We all love teleporters. Engineers love to build ’em; the rest of the team loves to use ’em. Just sometimes there’s a minor detail which could use some improvement: The direction of the Exit ... I’m sure that has happened to all of us before. You jump into a teleporter, dematerialize, materialize on the other end and - find yourself in front of a wall. You have to turn around, and if it was the first time you have used that particular TP you have to get your bearing before proceeding (...)

Yesterday I found a brain. Looked like an adult brain, but was very well preserved. Almost unused (though traces of alcohol abuse were clearly noticeable). Certainly had not run on full load often. I found it on a server running an achievement map. I asked if somebody was missing this brain, but nobody answered. In retrospect the question was misleading anyhow. Because evidently nobody was missing anything. Certainly not other players with tons of spam, while standing in front of a (...)

Do you want to know a good way to make an uber fail? Just tell nobody! Go in with your uber-mate, kill a few enemies, destroy a sentry and then either retreat or die a glorious death. While you teammates are fighting on another corner. And rest assured the enemy players will respawn and the sentry will be rebuilt just in time to greet any teammate of yours who’s making another run for the point. See, often enough an uber isn’t enough to take a point. Most of the times you are lucky if the (...)

So, little ones, this is what happened: Valve did something very stupid. People were angry. Then Valve fixed that very stupid thing a little until it was only stupid, but no more very. People still didn’t like it and decided: "If Valve can be stupid, we can be stupid, too" And so they went and started to be stupid, too. Not all of them, but many. The others didn’t mind much. Stupid can be entertaining. But Valve didn’t like the people being stupid. But they were caught in a (...)

OH MY GOD, VALVE RELEASED THE UPDATE WITH A GAME-BREAKING BUG! And then those lazy bastards even dared to leave their desks for the weekend. This cannot stand! This is the result of sloppy development, of insufficient testing and displays a total lack of respect for their users and customers. People like that only learn the hard way. So I petition, I even urge you to stop playing TF2 immediately. In fact don’t buy or play any more Valve products until Valve have regained our trust by making (...)

Correction: There are no dumb classes, only dumb players. Which is true, but some classes attract dumb players more than others. And I’m under the impression the two classes which draw dumb players to them like flies to honey are the Sniper and the Engy. I have witnessed idiocy in every form and shape, but I really think that I have seen it carried out with sniper rifles and wrenches far more often than with any other class. Probably fantasies of almightiness in form of headshots and (...)

... 2Fort. It is a shitty map. Period. Sure, it may look prettier than ever before, but let’s face it: 2Fort is a poorly designed map. It features numerous choke points, its alternative routes are a joke and having the sniper decks facing each other is stupid, stupid, stupid. Yet since the prehistoric days of TF this map has been popular and so far has been resurrected for each new version of TF without any attempt to correct these flaws. It would be easy to attribute 2Fort’s popularity (...)

„Mommy, I want my Ambassador“ “Yes dear, I know” “You promised me an Ambassador” “No dear, this company, Valve, did” “’kay, but I don’t have it yet. All my friends have it, except Billy, but he’s gay anyway” “I’m sure Billy is not homosexual, honey” “Ah, I mean he’s stupid. A retard. A fucking fag” “Oh, I see. But please don’t use the F-Word, my dear” “Fag? ‘kay. But Mom, Kevin already has gotten the Ambassador twice, and I have not. Do something” “Well, honey, there’s nothing I can do” “Call them and tell that (...)

We all know the old prejudice against us gamers (usually brought forward by non-gamers) that the extended exposure to graphical violence in games (not to mention horror movies and Heavy Metal music) has a desensitizing effect on us. Of course we all know how ridiculous such accusations are and that they are based on skewed aesthetical conceptions of people not being in touch with our specific sub-culture. However, as much as we tried in the past we’ve always failed to rebut these prejudices (...)

High noon at a TF2 map of your choice. The blue player walks slowly to the middle of the road, his hand already nonchalantly hovering above his holster. „I’ve already told you, pilgrim, this map ain’t big enough for the both of us“. His red opponent meets his stare coldly, his face calm and concentrated. „Your hands may better be as fast as your mouth, sonny“. Both have reached their positions. They are ready. Each is fixing the other one’s face, trying to spot the moment the first one decides (...)